2012 BMW 328i Sedan

     This is the 2012 BMW 328i Sedan. The last of the E90 3-series BMWs. Next year BMW will be launching a brand new 3-series generation for the 2013 model year. But before they do, I'd like them to know what I've thought of their efforts so far.
     The BMW 3-series started out innocently enough. Just an entry level BMW designed to get you to work quickly and in relative comfort. The E30 generation BMWs are regarded as a triumph, and in my opinion, some of the best cars ever made. I actually owned one: a 1991 325i Convertible for a time and I absolutely adored it. However, something happened in 1992 that completely changed everything. Someone at BMW figured out that everyone, in America at least, would be perfectly fine with the company making the entry level 3-series into a mid-level 5-series clone for the same money. It's an idea that has infected every single level of BMW's manufacturing to this day. As of right now, you can get a 335i sedan with almost every single feature of a 740i (minus of course, the leg room), which to me anyway, doesn't make any sense. The list of amenities that it now includes is actually so extensive that it would be easier to list the items not included, that are on the 7-series by contrast:

• Leg room
• Trunk space
• A V8 Engine (which you have to get the 750i to enjoy, the 740 comes with the same 3.0l engine as the 335i)
• Some cup holders
• 4 zone climate control   

And I'm sorry, but that is an impressively short list of features for an extra $30,000. Sure, the ride's better, but is that really all you get with a 7-series now a days? The 3-series can now come with: active cruise control, iDrive, heated seats, a rear window sun shade, active steering, traction control, ABS, bluetooth, satellite navigation, a half dozen airbags, and "Adaptive Brake Lights," whatever those are.
     So, this car seems like it would be a great value for $36,000, but it's not. Because the 3-series was never meant to have any of those things in the first place. So its made the car roll in the corners more than it would normally due to all the extra weight. And furthermore, it takes away from the driving experience of the car itself. You get so immersed in buttons and features that you're not focusing on the one thing this car was supposed to be about: performance and style. The fact of the matter is: the 328i is just another car now. And that brings a tear to my eye because it's not supposed to be just another car, it's supposed to be a BMW for God's sake!

If you don't see the BMW badge, it looks like a Honda doesn't it?

    And it doesn't get any better when you're sitting in the thing either. The interior is bland and hard to understand. Case in point: the central door locking button has been relocated in between two vents on the upper part of the dashboard and is very small. If you're in the projects with your BMW and a car jacker tries to take your car, you'll be fumbling through the manual for hours trying to locate the button after he's already gone. The crazy thing is that the door locking button is right under the hazard lights button and next to the traction control button. These three buttons have absolutely nothing in common and should be in three very different places in the car! It's like the interior was designed by people in white lab coats and not by someone who actually understood ergonomics or general common sense.
     Even harder to understand is why someone would actually pay $40,000 for it in the first place. The viewing angles are bad, you can't see out of the rear window at all if there are people in the back, and to be quite honest: the ride is dreadful. It doesn't get good fuel economy either, the 328i only gets 17mpg city. My four-wheel drive SUV gets better fuel economy than that.
     The 328i that I drove didn't have BMW's infamous 'iDrive' system, thank God. But it's an optional extra that shouldn't be in the brochure at all. In fact, BMW has had to launch an entirely new car, the 1-series, in order to make a quick, lightweight, agile sports coupe after they realized the 3-series has become an arthritic old flop that doesn't excite even the vaguest hope of driving excellence.
     A comparable Audi or Mercedes will have most of the same features and will, more or less, be about the same price. But the BMW will not be for the driving enthusiast like it once was. Because at the end of the day, you're going to pull up to your house and park it and eventually you'll have to look at it. And that's the thing: Audis and Mercedes are beautiful cars, the BMW is ugly and looks like it goes about as fast as a fax machine. Which is probably the chief job of someone who actually owns one. BMW disagrees of course, their catalogue for the 3-series says boldly: "Designed to reward all who see it." With what? Vomit? The 2012 3-series is one of the ugliest cars on the road. It's everyone's hope that they improve it for next year, but to be honest I don't have much faith. The 3-series has been downright ugly since 1992 and it'll probably stay that way. Slow, unappealing, and uninviting: exactly the opposite of what the 3-series once was, and should have always been.